Behind Hazel's Eyes

2006-10-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Sent mama off at KLIA. I can't believe I'm spending raya without her. It's true. This year's raya is quite bland and dull. My bro is so absorbed with his new gameboy(he has 4 gameboys already). Dad spends time with the car, all 3 of em. It's either that or he'll be resting. I understand that he's really tired from his packed work-schedule. And I can't believe that he's flying off to work in India soon. It's gonna be lonely around here. No shit.

So, yea, that's my raya. Agak hambar, don't u think?

Went to Kor's house. It's been soooo long since I last saw him, and Ta. Miss them really. But you know, the complications. It's pretty hard to explain. Well, anyways, had a great time there. Met Aiman. It's been a while. Hahaha. He's so grown up now. and is high most of the time. Seriously, he makes good company. I took some videos of him which I will post up soon enough. Lol.

2006-10-22T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ok. I changed my clothes by the time we took this picture. Which kinda ruins the picture, and the whole raya pic vibe.(are they such things?) haha. but whatever. I still like the picture.=)

2006-10-22T23:36:00.002-07:00

2006-10-22T23:36:00.001-07:00

2006-10-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya!;D

2006-10-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5.30. so much for having a good night's sleep.=P It's been weeks since I last had one. So yea, I had to make myself occupied in the kitchen straight away. Lontong was yummy! Yeah. The day went on pretty slowly. I didn't really get into the raya mood. I have no idea why. Was searching for mazola cookies and couldn't find them. We don't have em at home. And to those who don't know what mazola cookies are, they're those round peanut butter cookies, usually with half a peanut on top. And really, even I don't know why people call em by the oil that they use to make the cookies.;P

I want mazola cookies!!!!! *drools*

Went back around noon cuz mama had to go to Vietnam tomorrow. So, yea. Went raya-ing at my grandpa's house that evening.

Again, no mazola cookies. This is torturous really. Eventhough it's only been a day of raya, I feel myself bloating already. EEEEKK! I got to stop eating those raya cookies! With the exception of mazola cookies that is, I haven't even seen a glance of em yet.

*chants and calls for mazola cookies to be sent down from the sky*

2006-10-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

Yup yup. It is that time of the year again. All of us(Well, the four of us je actually) had to clean the house. It wasn't as stressful as the years before, even without the presence of a maid. We managed to pull it together. And mama wasn't that moody either. Believe me,you wouldn't wanna do spring-cleaning through one of her stormy days.

And I was amazed at my accomplishments too. I managed to clean the whole of upstairs and cook maccaroni at the same time. Well, not exactly AT THE SAME TIME, but yea, it was all done in the end. ;P I'd like to give a shoutout to my ralph lauren bedsheet. (*ants stop working to turn and look*)

Yes. A shoutout to my bed sheet. I love love love you. Hopefully I could sleep better after this. Wait wait. My bedsheet before was RL too. Ah. whatever. Am kinda worried with how much sleep I get these days. Seriously. I don't wanna go nocturnal forever!;P Maybe I should change the duvet or something. But I LOVE my moomoo blankie. =( *sighs* What a dilemma. Still, I do think the mattress and its covers help you get a good sleep sumhow. There was this one bedsheet I had (one of those typical boarding-school sheets) that actually made my hair fall off. Thank God I didn't go bald.

I am NOT kidding. It's not everyday that you get up to the sight of your hair all over your bed. Well, not showers of it. But a lot of it la.=P

Wait. Why the hell am I talking about hair and evil bedsheets? haha.

OK. Around noon I had to call my aunt who's staying over at Lanson's Place, KL. I called for room --- the first time and I succeeded. And then I had to call again and the operator said there's no room with that kinda number. Like wtf? Dahla the call was urgent. And the subsequent calls got the same kinda reply from the operator. Geez. Damn weird la.

Went back to kampung immediately after that. Kampung wasn't all that bad really despite freakin' irritating Maxis coverage. And the lack of sleep I got because of Hezry's 2-am-phonecall which went for hours...(Ok. can't blame the dude. He was about to fly off to UK to celebrate raya the next day. So talking to him was the least I can do to make him miss Malaysia and envy us for the delish lemang and ketupat we get to eat. ;D *evil laugh*)

He'd better buy something nice there.=P

2006-10-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, my raya shopping is done.

Today was definitely better than yesterday. More productive and mama wasn't that moody. Really, you wouldn't wanna know what happened yesterday. I felt like the trip to Sungei Wang yesterday was a waste of time. I understand that mama is REALLY stressed out with work and all but seriously, it's just so difficult for her to let me go out on my own. And it kills me at times, cuz I end up being the punching bag when we go out shopping.

But hey, let's scratch that and focus on the ultimate shopping euphoria i experienced today. Hmm. Admittedly, it was kinda difficult this time round, which explains the slower-than-snail start we had. Somerset Bay's latest were seriously dull beyond believe. So was naf naf's. Sigh. But then, we found sumthing harajuku, and they were surprisingly interesting. Yea, so we bought the whole lot. (Oh yea, eventho the trip to sg wang yesterday was a reallllll pain, i did get two jeans and a jacket ;P)

So, after some rough calculations. My total expenditure for this raya alone amounts upto RM1.6k. Woot. Huhu. But it was a relief.

I am now, thoroughly contented. =) *grows wings at the back*

2006-10-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 whole weeks that I had only 2 ++ hours of sleep. No kidding. Every morning I would wake up to the sight of my horrible bloodshot eyes in the mirror. I couldn't even put my contact lenses on. Haha.

Yes. That bad.

But looking on the bright side, I finished quite a number of tasks and am proud of myself, judging at how lazy I usually am. And how procrastination has always always been my forte. ;P

*smiles with glee*

I finished...

1. 5 (yes, FIVE) lab reports
2. My Business Internal Assessment
3. Half of my Extended Essay

I know I know. That's not exactly a whole LOT of work. Others have already finished their EE already and I'm just about to start the engine. Still, you gotta start somewhere rite..Haha. And I'm telling you. It's not easy manipulating the data ;P or in easier said as "goreng". Well, that's the downside of answering your OWN questionnaires.

*covers face*

I'm proud yet ashamed for doing so.

Haha. Talk bout being a mastermind huh.

(inner voice quotes repeatedly : you are brilliant..you are brilliant..)

*begins self-meditation*

2006-10-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

She's done it again. She's going to send the students' results home. Those who got grade 4 and below. For crying out loud...just stop it ok. Stop aggravating the students. There's too much pressure to deal with already. There's no need for this. Urgh. ;P

I really really don't get her. Nonetheless, if you want to survive, you just have to be nice to these people. You must. Berkat is one thing, the other thing is if you don't try to fit in, you're just gonna eat the dust from the bus you just missed.

*cough cough*

But really. They should just demolish IB from kms. This comes from the bottom of my heart. Or make someone else the coordinator. Yea, maybe that's a better option.

2006-10-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

my daily sahur menu. (excluding the soup. that was a bonus on that parlicular day) Yes. I honestly feel like Oliver Twist.

*imitates Oliver.."More bread, please sir.."* (Did he say that? ;P Ah screw it)

2006-09-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

I hereby declare myself, a worrywart.

*hums and falls asleep on the keyboard*

2006-09-30T03:01:00.000-07:00

Ok. Here's one of my vices : I think too much.

I think bout everything. Well, all people do. But hmm, you'll understand what I mean as you read this. Ok, again. *takes a deep breath and exhales, retypes*

I think about everything. Particularly, criticisms. Like, everything that people say to me just computes in my head and straight into my memory box (assuming there is such thing)And that's just the memory part. I haven't even started on the analysis part yet. ;P Yea, then my mind begins throwing me 'what if's and 'should i's and all the other unnecessary things that shouldn't even enter the mind in the first place.
Haiya, I couldn't help it. All these wouldn't have mattered if I'm not the sensitive type. Thing is, I am. I am bloody sensitive. I think and think, and get myself hurt in the end. Over some thoughts that aren't even true. Waaa. I need a therapist.

Here's another thing. I have a problem with jealousy.Not about other's capabilities and all. Just in my relations with people. Hmm..I wonder if this has anything to do with my favour for green. *thinks again* And speaking of jealousy, I am feeling the vibe right now. ;P *chokes up inside*

Now, my grey matter hurts.

2006-09-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

CAS reports. I haven't handed any for like,a whole semester.

*jaw drops,makes 'pening' face,about to throw up*

Well I did finish some for the Circle Talk Club's debate, but I haven't actually printed 'em yet. And this is due, umm, 2 months ago I think. (egad!) Whatever. Malas nak layan. I mean, the college wants everything NOW. The internal assessments, TOK, the world lit assignments, CAS reports, and they still want us to organize big events like the weekly outdoor cinema, the scrabble competition, the bakesale, etc etc. I'm actually turning to a nut. Hmm, judging at my pace of writing those reports, I just KNOW that I haven't fulfilled those 150 hours yet. Am totally doomed. (o_O) *the littlest elf's song plays in head*

*reverts to happy mode* I went through some photos, to get me inspired to start on my outdated reps, and just felt like posting em here. Did two murals already. One per semester. Hmm, I wonder if I could do another one anytime soon.

(inner voice shouts out : Yea rite, with that heap of workload am sure u have plenty of time to paint a wall=P)

But like, really. It's fun. For me, atleast. You get to mess with colours, and actually get to see the outcome at the end of the day. But ofcourse, people who have interest in arts would appreciate this sorta activity. I liked the one we did in UKM better than the one in Taman Sinar Harapan. Hmm..maybe because of the structure of the wall. UKM's just like any other wall, plain, and better said as se'cepek'. Like a large canvas ready to be painted on. Taman Sinar Harapan's was this stretch of wall along the staircase..so, technically, you don't get to see the theme of the painting right there and then with once glance. Hmm. Come to think of it, the latter is better cause it's not an ordinary mural. But bleah...I still think that the one in UKM is better. The colours we were given was also one of the constraints (We didn't even have black paint=P). And also the time. Once a fortnight isn't really an efficient way of finishing a mural is it? The workforce is another issue. Only the three of us showed up on the last day. We were so dang tired we didn't even bother to finish the areas that were out of reach. On top of that, there was no one around to help us. It was a holiday. *sigh* As for the paintspills on the staircase,well,
let's just say that it's history. Some of the spills couldn't be wiped off the stairs. So we just left it there. Thank God we don't have to go there again, cause if we do, I'm pretty sure the Taman people will strangle us and make us become cinderellas for a day.

Tweet. Maybe that was a lil exaggerated. But yea, I'm sure they'll be mad. All in all, I think we did quite a good job, taking into account the list full of contraints we faced.

It's been months now. and I miss mingling with paint. Sob2.

2006-09-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Tutur UKM. candid pic, which I dun master ;P I drew the giraffe, the crocodiles, the tree, and uuu, the birds! ;D

2006-09-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

2006-09-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

Letting go. Hmm. I used to find it difficult to do so. Even Pn Juriah quoted "When you love someone so dearly, you let him go, and if he comes back, you're meant to be". Bah! I never did believe in it at all. I thought it's just a quote for the heartbroken, you know, just to comfort them. (I'm suddenly reminded of the book "It's called a break-up cuz it's broken" ;P not that I've ever read it.) Mama,too, agreed.I have this difficulty of letting things go.I never did understand what she meant by that til now. It's about accepting the cold, true facts of life, and being humble to it. Yup, everything that happens in life is sacred.We just have to accept whatever God laid out for us. We speak of 'redha' all the time, but what we don't know is that 'redha' is pretty difficult to achieve. Hence, explains why the words 'revenge' and 'vengeance' exist.

Have you ever come across a situation where you're really upset with someone cuz he or she backstabbed you, and you just feel like strangling the person? Aha. That's the perfect example of not being able to let go. You should let it all just flow. (Urgh. Easy for me to say) But seriously, being able to reach that 'moksha' state, can actually result in miracles, and better things. It happened to me once, whereby I was so upset with the Pet sship, difficult to let go and everything, and alas, I got SC instead.(which I declined in the end, but that's not the point.Mara has me now.) Anyways, being able to let go of something special, could result in better outcomes at the end of the day. I don't know what made me come up with this post, just felt like it I guess. I see too much depression and sadness around me lately,which makes me shed a tear as well. I've been through it as well, and
it took me a whole load of time to get over it. Fuh. Believe me. But heys, look at where it got me in the end. Am so happy now (let's cut IB out of this for a while k?;D) with my family, friends, and Ni =) Looking back at the time when I felt so low, I actually looked terrible. As in, literally. Haha. and look at the songs I listened to la..

1. Statue - Low Millions
2. Over - Lindsay Lohan (I dun really get this song..Can someone explain it to me or sumthing?)
3. Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(the list goes on)

Pathetic. But heys. That's why I said. There's no use going through this phase of loneliness and misery when you could move on and have fun. Look at Elle Woods. She's quite an inspiration =) *does the 'bend and snap'* Lol. Well, this 'redha' thingy doesn't only apply to relationships, but to other things as well (like the sship incident)

God works in mysterious ways. He knows what's best for you. And I eventually got to understand how He grants his servant's prayers and wishes.

1. He says yes and He grants them instantly
2. He says later, and He'll grant you something better.
3. He says wait, and He'll have the best of things stored for you.

I've been there, done that, and I would've bought the Tshirt if there was any. =) Hmm, come to think of it, I remember posting bout this once, but haha, doesnt make any harm posting
it again rite? ;D I mean, us, mere mortals, need to be reminded constantly. ;)

P/S : I luv u ni =)

2006-09-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

still sick. worse in fact. my tonsils are hurting. sob2.
Dad left for Sabah yesterday. I can't believe AirAsia transferred him there. I'm missing him already. He got himself a new vaio, which I think he'll have problems with. (He's not exactly tech savvy) It was sweet of him to upgrade my car's sound system. Damn nice i tell you. However, fact is, I dun drive. Hmm, yea. weird.

Ok la. *thinks for a bit* let's take a recap on what I've done throughout this month.

1. went to the motor GP in sepang, which i've never ever been before. (Now I know why u like it so much, mbn) Rossi was amazing. But yea, I ended up getting seriously burnt. I have a V on my neck, to be the exact. Anyways, it was a blast. Thank you ni ;D

2. I climbed over Akasia's gate..ha..well, it was my first time, so I'm dang proud of it. =) Thanks to my lovely guru, Ami. ;D

3. I had quite an experience mase HATRIC. u dun wanna know.

4. celebrated merdeka at UPM with Shikin. ;D

5. Got lost in Seremban itself,with Fay. which almost lead us to my kampung in Kuala Klawang.

6. Uuuuu...omg how could I forget. Learning how to drive. ;D with Maddeck. Thank you for putting up with me and my kerenah. Gotta hand it to you, you have quite a lot patience. =) Yea, nanti we'll go for icecream k. ;D

7. Can't really remember. haha. But it's been quite an eventful month..and I cherish every moment of it, despite the PILE of workload IB gave me. ;P

2006-09-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

Here i am, still at home, with a noseful of boogies and a head with quite a temperature. Sick. Dunno why..prolly the stress, the workload, the whole load of stuff in my head, the aircond(?) lol. When these things come around, a list of reasons and excuses pops out of your head. I finished my TOK presentation. but I ended up not giving the presentation due to this fever that I'm having. Urgh. And I wanted everything to be over and done with. Oh well. What to do. I'm relying fully on Allott's to ace my biology test since that's the only book I brought home. Gosh. I just CANNOT NOT ace this test, and break Pn Juriah's heart. She has too much faith in me. But heck, i'll just go through it la. I don't have the will and strength to think about anything anymore. As for mathematics, I don't know. May God send me high-IQ angels to come and help me. =) Why oh why is there so much stress these days.

Ok ok. let's revert topics. Hmm...*crickets singing* Writer's block. I'll log in later. Promise.

2006-09-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

At Cikgu Hasmah's house. one of the few teachers that understands us.

2006-09-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

I know I know. A new blog. (again?!) haha. I dunno. I can never seem to stick to one blog for a long time. Yea, am easily bored. And yea, ofcourse there are these minor-yet-irritating internet problems that can actually turn you off as you are just about to type in a new entry. And ofcourse, there's the time constraint. Anyways, for the past few months, I think I've been writing too much EE, IA, World Lit, and articles for the college magazine that the thought of me updating my blog makesme wanna puke ;P *bluek* But yea, I think I recovered from
umm, blog-nausea.huhu. (Let's see how long this would last.;P)

To those who haven't been keeping up with me lately, my life is eventful as always and as expected. It'll be a lil weird to list all of the strangely-interesting occurences right here and now.However, I'll try to insert as many juicy details as long as this blog is still alive.
Support me, people! =)

IB is really a pain, I'm telling you. As for this week alone, I've got 3 tests, 4 lab reports and a TOK outline to submit. (Actually there were supposed to be 5 tests, but we manage to get the coordinator to have pity on us;P) Hmm, at this point, I have to admit that MCS has taught me a lot about politics. How to deal with the admin, the teachers, ur peers. The crowd over here is a bit too much to handle. Well, you may say that I complain a lot and can't seem to be grateful that I'm blessed with a RM50-scholarship every month (huhu. there I go again). But yea,
I still wanna fret about it. I mean, whereelse would you get sobbingly-sensitive teachers except in MCS. To think about the whole list of work is already a burden, and now we have to add weight to our precious lil grey matters with ways how to win our lecturer's heart. *shakes head*

well, that's only 1/27 of what I'm enduring rite now. Ok. gotta work on my TOK presentation. will
type again later. =)